


i won’t let go, even the smallest memories

by Dreams



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff, Kim Joonmyun | Suho-centric, M/M, Mention of injuries, Miscommunication, Post-Break Up, mention of medical procedures, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreams/pseuds/Dreams
Summary: Kim Junmyeon's kind of the best surgeon in the city, so good in fact, he's the  star of the Superhero Ward of Genesis General Hospital. He hasn't felt like himself in a while, though. It has everything to do with his break up with one Kim Jongdae six months ago. Jongdae had been keeping a very important secret, and so Junmyeon had decided to break up, because he couldn't stand to be in a relationship without trust, no matter how much he loves Jongdae.What's the secret, you ask? Well, you see, Jongdae's kind of a superhero.Or, the one in which Superhero!AU meets Hospital Drama!AU.





	i won’t let go, even the smallest memories

**Author's Note:**

> o Prompt # or Self Prompt: 483  
> o Pairing: Chen/Suho  
> o Rating: Mature  
> o Warnings: Mentions of Depression, Mentions of Medical Procedures, Mentions of Injuries  
> o Author’s note: Hi! So this fic was a challenge for me, to be honest. I wanted to do more with this universe, and I even had some more stuff planned out but school's been kicking my ass and yeah. I really poured my love and care into this, and I hope that you'll love this Junmyeon and this Jongdae as much I do. Also, the medical stuff is most likely not that accurate, I'm sorry. My main source was literally Wikipedia, lmao. Title's from EXO's Universe. Anyway, kudos and comments are always appreciated! Please don't feel shy to ask anything about this 'verse.

 

Kim Junmyeon is a mess.

The thing is, though, that contrary to popular belief that hasn’t always been the case. Junmyeon’s always been messy, but never the mess itself.  
Dirty clothes and shoes and old books and magazines and random plastic bags and even money loiter the floor of his apartment. There’s used mugs, cups and plates with yesterday’s leftovers on every flat surface, except, funnily enough, the kitchen’s. His fridge is overflowing with half empty take out containers, old condiments and jam jars with barely any jam left. The bathroom sink is barely visible beneath the bazillion beauty products of which he only regularly uses twenty (out of almost a one hundred). His home is frequently described as a “disaster zone”, or the unkinder “pigsty”, courtesy of Sehun. 

However, Junmyeon himself is always impeccable. He keeps a tight schedule, lives by the motto “early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable!”. He owns three planners, one on his desktop, another on his phone and a third one on physical form, all of them coordinated and color coded. He’s always dressed sharply, sometimes overdressed but able to pull it off - always ready to make business, even if he’s a surgeon that rarely leaves the hospital nowadays. He somehow follows a strict diet, adjusted to his biometrics and his habits, rich in fiber, protein and all kinds of vitamins - which in turn makes his fridge just a little less gross.

So, Junmyeon hasn’t always been a mess, in fact, he’s a respected, successful and reputable surgeon, the best of the best and barely 28. He’s a big shot, up and coming.

Or at least, he was. Until Kim Jongdae. Until they broke up.

Now he goes out in his pajamas more often than not. It’s not exactly a problem at work since crocs and scrubs are the height of surgeon fashion, but it is when it spills over into his personal life. He wore an old tracksuit and Adidas sandals with socks to visit his parents last week; needless to say, his mother hadn’t been into it. In fact, she’d made him change into his old church suit. He’s also been slacking on his diet. Though Sehun (seemingly his only friend these days) celebrates this fact, given that now Junmyeon doesn’t oppose to eating junk food, actually, he loves it. Junmyeon never thought he’d be the type to rely on comfort food but here we are. He still runs every day, so his figure hasn’t suffered, something he takes some comfort in, but he doesn’t feel as good afterwards. 

To be honest, he rarely feels good unless he’s biting into a double cheeseburger with extra bacon. 

Sehun thinks he’s depressed, like clinically depressed. He agrees but would never tell him. Junmyeon knows all the symptoms, the supers he works with often deal with mental illness, thus he can recognize them in himself, but he is too afraid to admit it, to even think about it. He knows there’s nothing to be ashamed of, has actually dealt with his fair share of anxiety and panic attacks during med school, like every other student, but this…is different, bigger, because it’s not just a matter of graduating i.e. taking the stressor away. The stressor in this case is the crushing loneliness that he’s been feeling since 6 months ago, when Jongdae came home late one night too many, refusing to say where he’d been, like all the other times before. 

A knock brings him out of his reverie and he sighs tiredly, putting the photo frame he’d been holding back into his desk drawer. “Come in,” he says, his voice too loud in his ear after almost half an hour of silence.

The door opens and Sehun comes in, quickly closing it again behind him. He takes a sit on one of the chairs in front of Junmyeon’s desk. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks, looking very much like the therapist Junmyeon should get but doesn’t.

“I really miss Jongdae. And I want him back,” he begins. Sehun doesn’t say anything, just keeps on staring at him like he wants to turn him into a blanket burrito and keep him there forever. Sehun’s a good friend. “But I really don’t want to go back to how things were when we broke up.”

Sehun just nods, understanding. He’s heard this a million times before, but he still listens to him like it’s the first.

It took him a while to come to that conclusion and it was very painful, but he still thinks breaking up with Jongdae had been the best decision, the healthiest. He wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore. Not when he became distracted at work because Jongdae still hadn’t answered messages sent over eight hours ago; when he’d go visit Jongdae at the company he worked at and his boyfriend wouldn’t be there, in multiple occasions and at different times, even though he had an office job; when he’d do those 12 hour shifts of death and he’d go out of an empty house and go back to one just as empty, when Jongdae had said he didn’t have anything to do.

They barely saw each other, what with their conflicting schedules. But they tried, or at least Junmyeon did. He picked up less shifts; said he couldn’t go more often when the call from the hospital inevitably came, sometimes risking his career to spend time with Jongdae, trusting in his expertise to keep him his job. Because he’d loved Jongdae, he’d loved him that much. 

And he still loves him that much, honestly. But what he couldn’t stand the thought of was not having his trust; that kept him up at night. The few times they managed to be together Jongdae looked tired, stressed but would never say why, never offer any actual explanations and after a while he even ran out of excuses, too tired to even do that he supposed.

“I still wonder what I did, though,” Junmyeon begins again. “What did I do that made him feel like he couldn’t trust me?”

His question goes unanswered. Sehun and him both don’t really have an answer, and since Jongdae seems to have vanished from the face of the Earth, they probably never will.  
But still, he wonders why. They’d been dating for a little over a year and a half and in that time they had shared countless secrets with each other. Junmyeon had never revealed anything to anyone, even the most harmless things. 

“Did I ruin it?” He’s asked this before, too. “If I hadn’t pushed so much maybe he would’ve told me.”

He knows Sehun’s answer is no. But Junmyeon knows he had a part, however small, in the downfall of their relationship.

He hadn’t been particularly pushy, though, at least in his own opinion. Hadn’t really acknowledged what was going on at first, on the one hand because he didn’t want to seem invasive, wanted to give Jongdae his space, and on the other because the whole city had been feeling pretty much the same way ever since a new supervillain called Doctor Prunus started terrorizing the city with his fruit based chemical weapons. He used to target the city center, where Jongdae worked, Junmyeon could see why he’d be specially affected, and it explained all the plant books, too. 

So Jongdae was just stressed, he’d thought, and when he was ready to open up he would, and that was the end of it. Until that night. 

“But what was I supposed to do, really? Not worry when he came home bruised and bloodied in the middle of the night?” Junmyeon runs a hand through his hair, sighing for the nth time.

“You did the right thing, hyung,” Sehun reassures him.

It had terrified Junmyeon, and the next day he’d confronted Jongdae during breakfast. It had ended in their first big fight. After that, things were never the same. They were still affectionate, still very much in love, but they rarely talked. And when they did the conversation always circled back to Jongdae’s secret and why he couldn’t ever tell Junmyeon.  
They fought pretty much every time they spoke to each so they stopped speaking altogether, soon they started avoiding each other, too. But Jongdae still showed up hurt in the middle of the night, more and more often. And still he wouldn’t say why. No matter how he asked or how many times he asked Jongdae never told. 

So Junmyeon broke up with him.

“Hyung,” Sehun says.

“Yeah?” Junmyeon looks up at the resident, realizing he’d spaced out again.

“I came to get you because you have a class to teach in a couple minutes,” he reminds the older one.

Junmyeon nods, still a bit shook up. “Of course.” He stands up, dusting his pants off out of habit. “Let’s go.”

 

 

.

 

  

Junmyeon and some of his coworkers are currently in a meeting room located in the hospital’s basement, behind several digital locks and an honest to God titanium wall. The Superhero Ward is basically a bunker. Junmyeon thinks it makes sense, but he also finds it extremely annoying because of the print scan, hand scan, eye scan and voice scan required just to get into the Ward, let alone the ones necessary for entering specific rooms. 

The meeting is about the effects of the recently defeated Doctor Prunus’ gases on their city’s different supers. They only have info on the ones who’ve been defeated and sent to the hospital, as is logical. For example, they don’t have any sort of data on Thunder Man, even though he’s the city’s most important hero and the one who eventually defeated Prunus. Although, it did take him a couple tries. That’s just how hard to beat Prunus had been.

Unfortunately for them, Thunder Man had never ended up at the hospital, even when he’d been severely injured. He always managed to disappear before the paramedics could get to him. It’s a mystery as to how, especially because he’d been thrown off a building and into another one time. Most supers possess speed healing, but that was just ridiculous. 

Although some of his colleagues choose to believe he heals that fast, excited at the prospect of someone pushing the limits of humanity beyond what anyone thought possible. Junmyeon is not a geneticist, though, he’s a surgeon, a more practical person, and he thinks Thunder Man is getting help from someone else to flee the scenes. Maybe the city’s most beloved hero is just afraid of revealing his secret identity. He wouldn’t be the only one.

“Alright, everyone!” Doctor Cho exclaims, clearly excited if the little shimmy of his shoulders is anything to go by. “We’re here to go over what we know about Doctor Prunus’ chemical concoctions and their effects on our city’s supers. Shall we begin?”

As Doctor Cho starts to play the powerpoint Junmyeon sighs, psyching himself up for a long afternoon.

The presentation turns out to be pretty engaging, in the end. Cho’s a good enough lecturer and the topic’s interesting, particularly relevant to his work, as one of his superhero patients had almost died on the operation table thanks to Prunus’ poisons; the gas had caused the patient to form a pulmonary embolism in a matter of hours and two others experienced surgeons had had to step in to save her. 

Junmyeon had cried after operations before, but never like that. He was still crying when he got home. Things were already tense with Jongdae by then, but in that moment it hadn’t mattered. Jongdae had let him fall right into his arms, cooked for him (his mom’s mushroom soup), and then tucked him into bed and cuddled him to sleep. He’d even called Junmyeon in sick the next morning. Junmyeon had never felt so loved and cared for. 

But that’s painful to think about now. And he’s also at work.

After Doctor Cho stops talking come the questions. None particularly interesting occur to Junmyeon, so he just keeps quiet, staring at Storyteller’s file. He’s been checking that file out a lot lately.

“What still gets to me, though,” Dr. Song, who’s sitting right next to him, begins, “is how Prunus managed to create a gas that causes regular cyanide poisoning on humans but very varied, very specific effects on supers. Like, for example,” she says, leaning back on her chair and gesturing with her hand towards Junmyeon’s folder, “Storyteller, as we all know his powers allow him to play with light to create illusions; the gas left him blind for eight days, but no other person reported blindness caused by the gas in all of Prunus’ reign of terror. And we have analyzed it countless times, the formula only had slight changes over several months, so what gives?” She finishes, softly hitting the table with her fist, very visibly frustrated with her stiff shoulders and back.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing, too, actually,” Junmyeon admits, turning slightly towards Song. “He must’ve known them inside out, otherwise how did he know which chemicals to mix?”

“Exactly!” Song exclaims loudly, making Junmyeon wince.

Still he eyes her amused, a little quirk in his lips. He’s always been fond of loud people.

His other colleagues quickly become engaged with the subject at hand, leaving Junmyeon’s mind to wander off again. He knows he shouldn’t be daydreaming at work, especially in a meeting as important as this one, but he can’t really help it at this point. And besides, this isn’t the first time they’ve talked about the subject. While, yes, this is the first formal meeting they’ve had since Prunus’ defeat two weeks prior, it’s not like they haven’t been bitching and whining about how ridiculous the gases and its effects are (were?) pretty much since Prunus showed up. So really, Junmyeon is not missing anything too important and is thus free to do whatever he wants with his headspace.

He remembers he doesn’t have anything for dinner tonight and that he should probably stop by the grocery store and get at least a pre-made salad and not order take-out _again_. He actually misses vegetables, they’re good, no matter what Sehun says.

Unlike Sehun, who is a brat, Jongdae had always been such a good sport about his diet. He’d felt bad about eating pizza while Junmyeon ate his nth salad of the week and he would try to get Junmyeon to eat junk food with him, but most of the time Jongdae ended up caving into Junmyeon and eating whatever had been on the older man’s meals planner for the day.

Jongdae had been so easy going, always keeping calm when dealing with problems while he’s an overthinker, an overworrier, making up problems in his head and then freezing up when actual problems show up. They were opposites but complementary. Junmyeon had never felt as safe and understood as he did with Jongdae. He’d never judged, never pried and Junmyeon had tried his best to reciprocate but Junmyeon was still Junmyeon, citizen of Anxietyville, and couldn’t help but worry his boyfriend was off selling crack in the darkest alleys in town.

Jongdae had always treated him with love and care, taken an effort to get to know him, understand him, even when they were just friends. He’d somehow put up with Junmyeon’s messy personality; he’d even shared a closet and a bedroom with him, when Jongdae was one of the neatest people he knew. Jongdae had really loved him.

A gentle hand shakes him shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts. “Dr. Kim?” It’s Dr. Song again. “The meeting’s over already.”

He stares at her for a little, the meaning of her words not quite sinking in. “Oh! Right, of course,” he says once he realizes, maybe a little too rushed, maybe a little too loud. There’s a blush threatening to rise on his cheeks, but he simply looks away, desperately trying to look casual while he gathers his things.

He can feel Song linger for a moment beside him, before giving a simple goodbye and exiting the room.

Everyone knows about Junmyeon’s awful, terrible break up thanks to Sehun. He _is_ mad that now the entirety of Genesis General Hospital knows so much about his personal life, however, he’s also very grateful for the space people have been giving him. It’s nice to have a get-out-of-jail card for all the awkward small talk his coworkers try to rope him into. And to think just a couple of months ago he was an instigator.

Rolling his eyes at his overly peppy past self, he walks down the hall towards the break room where Sehun had told him he wanted to meet. Sehun had insisted he had something important to tell him, but he probably just needed someone to help him with the coffee machine.

Sehun is the only one in the room when he gets there, and he seems to be nursing a cup of tea if the little string hanging over his mug is anything to go by. Joonmyun chuckles fondly, walking across the room towards his dongsaeng.

He lets the files he was carrying fall heavily onto the table, startling Sehun out of whatever was on his phone screen.

“Hi,” he chirps happily, drawing pleasure from the glare Sehun gives him.

“Hyung, you’re a menace,” the younger doctor states in lieu of a greeting.

“I know.” Junmyeon nods solemnly. “So what do you need?” He asks, resting his chin on his hand. He’s so tired.

Sehun folds his hands over the table in his best imitation of a businessman. “I have decided to stage an intervention.”

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow. “What for?” It’s not like he doesn’t need one, but if it was about anything actually serious Sehun would’ve at least brought Jongin for moral support.

“Why are you so obsessed with Storyteller?” Sehun demands.

The question floors Junmyeon. He has no idea why he’s so obsessed with that particular super, either. Storyteller hadn’t been his patient, meaning Junmyeon doesn’t know his name, barely knows anything about him beyond his medical file and a vague knowledge about which villains he’s defeated.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I guess he just reminds me of someone. His bone structure is very particular.”

Sehun frowns but doesn’t question it. Storyteller only uses an eye mask and Junmyeon worked in reconstructive facial surgery for a couple of months during his residency. What he’s saying is plausible, and also kinda true, there _is_ something familiar about Storyteller, beyond his bone structure, even if he can’t quite figure out what it is. Then there’s the whole thing where Storyteller is most likely a member of Thunder Man’s team and has been helping him escape all these years.

Sehun opens his mouth, probably to grill him more about Storyteller, when the alarm rings, signaling a superhero needs medical attention.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

The screens on the wall suddenly light up, showing Thunder Man writhing on the floor in pain, probably from the metal pipe someone stabbed through his stomach.

The screen splits, announcing that an ambulance has already been dispatched to the site of the fight, conveniently placed just two blocks from the hospital. There’s a very real possibility the elusive Thunder Man is going to be admitted to the hospital for the first time and Junmyeon and his team have just been assigned to him.

This is it, the moment of truth.

Junmyeon immediately stands up, hastily grabbing his things. “You where to go,” he tells Sehun, before he’s out of the door and running down the hall.

 

 

.

 

 

He meets the paramedics at the door, quickly catching up to their pace as they wheel Thunder Man into the hospital.

“Update me,” he says, not even glancing at the stretcher, too focused in what the paramedics have to say.

“He passed out from the pain,” is the first thing Park says and Junmyeon holds back a wince. “There doesn’t seem to be any broken bones and any other wounds he had healed on their own. Witnesses said he took a hit to the head when he fell, before the villain stabbed him with the pipe. It didn’t go through and it doesn’t seem to have hit any major organs, but we can’t be too sure. Other than that his vitals seem stable.”

Junmyeon nods quickly taking it all in. “Alright, has he been id’d?” Despite the awful situation, he can’t help but feel excited at the prospect of finally knowing Thunder Man’s identity.

“Yes,” Jung answers, handing him a tablet.

He thanks her quickly, eyes immediately drawn to the picture on the top right corner. He feels his heart stop and his breath get caught on his throat.

Jongdae.

Kim Jongdae.

His ex, Jongdae.

The love of his life, Jongdae.

_His_ Jongdae, is Thunder Man.

He stops walking altogether, glued to the ground of the long, cold hallway.

“Is there something wrong?” Jung calls out to him, her voice resonating across the empty space.

Junmyeon looks up, mind swimming.

They’ve stopped at the end of the hallway, waiting for the elevator to come.

Junmyeon has fractions of a second to make a choice: confess he is unfit to treat this patient given his personal connection to him, or save Jongdae’s life.

The choice is pretty obvious.

He swallows hard. “Not at all!” He yells back, running towards them.

His thoughts are a mess. Late night musings, half formed thoughts and unsure conclusions are coming together all at once, at the same time new doubts and question plague his mind. He shoves it all aside as soon as they come. He doesn’t have time for any of that right now.  


 

.

 

 

Junmyeon gets out of the OR six hours later. Exhausted, physically and mentally.

He goes straight to the bathroom and heads for the sinks, leaning into them. He doesn’t dare look up into his reflection, instead staring down at the sink, watching drops fall from the spout. His breath is jagged and his jaw trembles as his vision get blurry, he sobs as the first tears fall.

Jongdae had almost died on his operating table.

It wasn’t supposed to be so hard. A scan courtesy of the Superhero Ward’s latest toy had confirmed Jongdae hadn’t sustained any dangerous head injury. The wound from the pipe was serious, but treatable. Things had started to go downhill when they’d found the pipe had pierced through Jongdae’s stomach after all, but really, that’s what Junmyeon is for. Yes, the statistical risks for Exploratory Laparotomy are ridiculously high, but Junmyeon isn’t a top surgeon for nothing. He’d thought he had it covered. That it was going to be painful and stressful and just plain awful, but this wasn’t going to be the first time he’d perform that kind of surgery, in fact, he’d done it dozens of times before. Seriously, if there’s one thing all villains universally enjoy is stabbing supers with random things.

What he hadn’t expected was for Jongdae to suddenly go into cardiac arrest while he was just about to close the wound. Everyone had just sort of stopped for a second. The logical step to take was use the defibrillator to start up his heart again, but with Jongdae’s powers there were unknown risks. He could’ve freid Jongdae to death. Still, having nothing to lose and everything to gain he’d yelled the order. Moments later Jongdae’s heart was beating again.

Junmyeon had gotten out of the OR as soon as he could, ending up where he is right now, curled up under the sink, sobbing his heart out.

Jongdae is stable now. With his super speed healing he’ll probably be fine by tomorrow afternoon. Regardless, the fear hasn’t left him. It probably won’t go away until he has Jongdae safe and sound in his arms again.

Once, late into the night when they were cuddling after sex, Jongdae had confessed that he felt the safest when he was in Junmyeon’s hold. That had also been the first time Junmyeon said _it_ : he’d swallowed hard at Jongdae’s words, a bit overwhelmed. With a gentle movement, he’d leaned down to press a kiss into Jongdae’s hair. Moving his lips back barely an inch he’d whispered “ _I love you, Jongdae_ ”. Jongdae had started giggling nervously, as he always did when feelings creeped up; but he hadn’t pulled away, in fact he’d tightened his grip on Junmyeon’s waist, burrowing even closer into his chest, if that was somehow possible. A little while later, when Junmyeon had almost drifted off, a barely audible “ _I love you, too_ ” had passed through Jongdae’s lips. Jongdae is the kind of person to show what he feels through actions, uncomfortable speaking about his deepest emotions, so for Jongdae to actually say it, it had meant the world to Junmyeon.

If Junmyeon had to pick a memory to conjure a Patronus charm, he’d pick that one.

Now, those words have taken a new meaning. Jongdae is Thunder Man, the city’s most powerful, most important superhero, facing villains everyday like it’s nothing, and yet, he’d felt safest in Junmyeon’s not very muscled arms. Because he loved Junmyeon. And hopefully, he still does.

His sobs have subsided by now. He sighs, dejectedly crawling from under the sink. He knows what he has to do, kinda, but he’s so so tired. So he just washes his face, patting it down after with a paper towel. He sighs again, throwing the used paper in the bin. Finally, he looks up into his reflection. He looks...bad. The are dark bags under his eyes, his lips are a little bit chapped and he looks much paler than he ought to. Yet, he still feels much better than he did this morning. He has some answers now, he knows why Jongdae didn’t tell him, or at least, he has a pretty good guess.

With new resolve, he exits the bathroom.

He’ll do the healthy thing for once. He’s going to go home and have something good to eat, shower and got to bed. He’s not going to go back to the hospital until morning, after he and Jongdae have both rested. No matter how much he longs to sleep right beside Jongdae’s hospital bed. 

 

 

.

 

 

The next morning Junmyeon shows up at Jongdae’s hospital room with potted daffodils and a teddy bear, brown and huggable, just like Jongdae likes them. He gets some odd looks along the way, but he ignores them. He’s achieved some kind of peace he hasn’t had in months. He isn’t even all that bothered by the print scan, eye scan, body scan, voice scan nor the three different passwords they have Jongdae locked behind. In fact, he relishes in the knowledge that the younger man is well taken care off.

Since he is still sleeping, Junmyeon carefully sets the plant on the bedside table and does his best to tuck the plushie in with the younger man. Satisfied with his work, he smiles, sitting down on the chair next to the bed to wait.

He spends time answering emails, reviewing his patients files. Eventually he gets tired of work and resorts to puppy videos. He’s particularly engrossed in the trials and tribulations of a Golden Retriever puppy, when Jongdae croaks out a “hyung”.

Junmyeon’s head snaps up, his eyes latching onto Jongdae, who’s looking at him like he’s the second coming of Jesus. He wastes no time going over to the bed, taking Jongdae’s hand in his as soon as he can.

“What happened?” Jongdae asks.

“Some new villain defeated you and stabbed a pipe through you stomach. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to save you,” he answers, breathless.

Jongdae’s eyes go big. “You- you know.”

A shaky smile spreads across Junmyeon’s face. “I do,” he admits, “but it’s okay.”

Jongdae doesn’t say anything for while, just returns Junmyeon’s hold on his right hand.

They stay like that for a while, just watching each other closely. Not trying to convey any hidden meaning in their eyes, just asking in each other’s presence.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae says eventually, sound small and scared. His eyes are wet and Junmyeon feels like someone just punched him in the gut.

“No, no, no, baby, it’s alright. I understand.” Junmyeon runs a hand through the other man’s hair. “I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t mad, or that I’m not still hurt, but I understand. And the last thing I want is for you to beat yourself up over it.”

Jongdae give him an eskeptic look. He looks even prettier than he remembers, Junmyeon thinks. His big eyes framed by his long lashes, his bottom lip held between his teeth in a vain attempt to stops his jaw from trembling.

“I love you, Jongdae,” Junmyeon confesses. “And I’m willing fix whatever this mess between us is, and work towards something better, together, whatever that means.”

“I should’ve told you,” Jongdae insists.

The older man lets out a surprised laugh. “Maybe you should have. But I could been more patient with you, I know how you work Jongdae. By the end of it I just wanted answers, sometimes I didn’t really stop to think about how you were feeling,” he says, caressing Jongdae’s hand with his thumb.

“I should’ve trusted you.”

Junmyeon grins. “You’re so stubborn. But yeah, I was hurt. I felt awful at the thought of you not thrusting me.” Jongdae winces, but he wanted the truth didn’t he? “But I think I know why you did it. You wanted to protect me didn’t you?” He pauses, waiting for Jongdae to react. The almighty Thunder Man can only nod shyly, eyes anywhere but on Junmyeon. So he decides to tease the younger one a bit, just because. “Especially after what happened to Storyteller. More famously known as your platonic husband and soulmate.” He smirks, enjoying just a tad too much the way Jongdae’s face transforms into one of panic.

“Hyung, how?” He whines, a cute pout on his lips.

“I figured it out just this morning.” Junmyeon’s expression softens. “I’m guessing it left you pretty shook up, huh?”

Jongdae licks his lips. Junmyeon can’t help but follow the movement with his eyes.

“Yeah,” the younger one says, eventually.

“It doesn’t mean that everything’s suddenly okay, but I understand. And what’s important is that I’m willing to move past it, with you, but only if you want to.”

Jongdae blinks back a few tears before nodding.

Junmyeon then leans over and presses a kiss to Jongdae’s forehead.

“What was that for?” The younger man asks once he sits up again.

“I just felt like it, I guess. Wanted to comfort you, too.” Junmyeon shrugs. “Did you not like it?”

Jongdae shakes his head quickly. “I never mind when you touch me. I just-” He cuts himself of before sighing.

“It’s okay, you know can tell hyung anything,” Junmyeon encourages him.

“I’ve missed you so much. I’m a mess without you, hyung. I thought I knew how to take care of myself but as soon as I moved out I realized I didn’t. And I haven’t been able to sleep either, first it was because of Prunus and after I finally defeated him the only thing I could think about was coming back to you, but I couldn’t because I screwed everything up, so I spent my nights just thinking about you, about how good and warm and safe I felt when you cuddled me to sleep.” There are tears running down Jongdae’s cheeks, while little hiccups disrupt his speech. “I miss you and I love you, I love you more than I ever thought I could.”

Junmyeon smiles wide enough he knows his eyes have turned into half moons. He uses his free hand to gently wipe Jongdae’s tears away. This is only the second time he’s seen the younger one cry, and Junmyeon feels extremely thankful Jongdae feels comfortable enough with him to let himself be so open, so vulnerable.

His whole body is bursting with love and for the first time in a long, long time he knows, without a shadow of doubt, that things will work out. “I love you, too. I’m here, baby, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Jongdae nods, a smile slowly growing on his face. “Kiss me,” he demands, finally sounding a bit like his usual, bratty self.

And Junmyeon can’t help but concede his every wish. At last, he takes his hand out of Jongdae’s hold, instead using both of them to cup the younger man’s face before kissing him, like he’s wanted to for the last six months.

And just like that, he’s home.

  
  


 

 

**BONUS**

 

  
  
A couple of days later, they’re cuddling in front of the tv, not really watching the movie, but enjoying each other’s company. Jongdae’s half draped over Junmyeon’s lap, making little sounds of pleasure from the way the older man’s rubbing his back.

“You’re very tense, did you know that?” Junmyeon whispers against Jongdae’s forehead, chuckling when the only answer he gets is an absent-minded hum.

Deciding Jongdae has had it easy for too long, Junmyeon resolves to bring up something he’s actually been wondering about for a while. “You know, I can’t believe your best friends don’t know you’re a bottom.”

Jongdae chokes on air, scrambling to get out of his lap. “What?”

A smug smirk appears on Junmyeon lips. “Remember that time everyone laughed at me because I said I thought Thunder Man was a bottom? Well, looks like I was right.”  
Jongdae groans, flushed to his ears. “Hyung, why?!” He whines, and oh how Junmyeon had missed that.

“Why, what?” Junmyeon continues, his most innocent face on. “I was just telling the truth, but then everyone thought I was dumb because you didn’t tell them that you’re a bottom.”

“A verse bottom,” Jongdae mumbles into his sweatshirt.

Junmyeon snorts, rolling his eyes. “If you say so. Still doesn’t explain how they didn’t know.”

Jongdae shrugs, looking down at his lap. “It’s private.”

Junmyeon looks at him for a moment, feeling entirely too fond, before opening his arms. Jongdae immediately falls into them.

“Alright then,” Junmyeon says once they’re settled again. “I just want to remind you that neither Baekhyun, Chanyeol nor Minseok hyung have any problem talking about their sexual preferences, in depth may I add.”

“But _hyung_ , you know I’m shy,” Jongdae protests.

“Are you now?” Junmyeon can’t help but tease.

Jongdae just huffs, turning over to watch the movie.

Junmyeon sighs happily, tightening his hold around Jongdae. “I love you,” he whispers, softly and carefully, like it’s the most precious secret in the world.

“I love you, too,” Jongdae responds, only seconds later.

They’re lulled into a comfortable silence until it’s broken by Jongdae asking “Hyung?”

“Yes, baby?”

Jongdae seems to hesitate. Eventually he says “You know you should still get a therapist, right?”

Junmyeon freezes and Jongdae lifts his head up, searching his eyes.

“Okay,” Junmyeon concedes, tucking Jongdae’s hair behind his ear. “But only if you do, too.”

“Okay,” he agrees easily, laying his head down on Junmyeon’s shoulder again.

Junmyeon smiles, resting his cheek against Jongdae’s head. He sighs in contentment, closing his eyes.

They’ll be okay.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
